Thursday, November 7, 2013

Applesauce (Not a Recipe)

The first time I rewrote a song's lyrics was during my first year of teaching. I was at my morning duty which was outside in the early morning cold. I was thinking about my lesson for the day, about westward expansion, manifest destiny, Indians, cowboys, boots . . . boots with spurs . . . boots with the spurs. . .

If you have no idea where my brain was going with that train of thought, then good for you. For everyone else, maybe you followed my musings into Flo-Rida's "Low." I rewrote the chorus and then turned it into many, many verses Too many verses. You can see them here, if you want a good laugh. I showed it to my students, who were promptly mortified at my nerdiness, but I think most of them thought in their minds that I was really cool. I started working on some other songs, but I don't think I ever shared any of them with the kiddos. (*For those of you who think I am crazy, this whole song-rewriting activity was professionally presented to me as an effective teaching strategy. I did it myself before anyone told me to, so I am actually brilliant, not insane.)

The reason I have shared this lovely anecdote is to help you understand what you are about to read. Sometimes, without my permission, my brain starts rewriting songs and I have no choice but to go along for the ride.

Lady Gaga's "Applause" has been on the radio a lot lately, and my brain's inner songwriter decided that when Gaga spells out A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E, it kind of sounds like applesauce if you aren't really paying attention. Once I had this revelation it was all over and I no longer had any choice but to complete the new lyrics. Here now, purely for your entertainment and my humiliation, is my autumnal version of the chorus to "Applause."

First, here are Lady Gaga's lyrics:

I live for the applause, applause, applause
I live for the applause-plause
Live for the applause-plause
Live for the way that you cheer and scream for me
The applause, applause, applause
Give me that thing that I love (I'll turn the lights on)
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch (make it real loud)
Give me that thing that I love (I'll turn the lights on)
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch (make it real loud)
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Make it real loud
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Make it real loud
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch

Now, my lyrics to "Applesauce:"

I live for applesauce, applesauce, applesauce
I live for applesauce-sauce, live for applesauce-sauce
Live for the way that it tastes like fall to me
Applesauce. Applesauce. Applesauce.

Give me the thing that I love (Applesauce, now!)
Put some cinnamon on top (Spice it up, now!)
Give me the thing that I love (Applesauce, now!)
Add vanilla and nutmeg (Spice it up, now!)

(A-P P-L E-S A-U C E) Spice it up, now!
(A-P P-L E-S A-U C E) Put some cinnamon on top.
(A-P P-L E-S A-U C E) Spice it up, now!
(A-P P-L E-S A-U C E) Add vanilla and nutmeg. 

The most ironic thing about this is that I don't even care for apple sauce. More importantly, you will now hear this in your head every time you listen to this song. You are very welcome. :)

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